Came across this and thought I would share.......it is tongue in cheek stuff lol.

Rule #1: Image is Everything. After all, what's the good of being a Witch
if nobody knows you are one? You must therefore wear black at all times. If
possible, stay out of the sun until you become really pale, as this makes
the effect even better. For women (and adventurous males) dark eyeliner and
black nail polish can enhance this look. Also wear crystals and cheap
occult paraphernalia at all times, and make sure that these are as gaudy
and bizarre as possible, as this can only help your image.
Wearing a pentacle around your neck is an absolutely necessary accessory -
the bigger the better! Capes and cloaks are optional around town - it
depends on how much of a visual impact you want to make, but either of
these are also crucial apparel at any ritual or gathering that you may attend.

Rule #2: Name Dropping is Good. Every serious student of The Craft (and I'm
talking here about the term for Witchcraft, not macramι) knows the name
Gerald Gardner. This man revitalized Witchcraft in the mid 1900's with his
book about the true history of The Old Religion (some have called this book
pure fiction, but only those picky few who like books to be based on
facts). Real Witches however, never let historical accuracy get in the way
of their spiritual path, so in conversations with other witches, quote his
name as often as possible (in tones of awe) and you will always be rewarded
with smiles of acceptance.

Rule #3: Past Life Name Dropping is Even Better. Tell everyone about the
past life memories that have been surfacing since you began studying the
Black Arts. It is especially useful to remember a past lifetime as a Witch
who was killed during the Inquisition, or at least recall a lifetime as a
famous occultist. My past lives have included Aleister Crowley,
Cagliostro, Mandrake the Magician, and most of the cast of "Bewitched".

Rule #4: Behave Strangely. Never forget why it was that you wanted to
become a Witch - yes, so that you have an excuse for strange behavior.
Previously labeled eccentric behavior patterns can now be accepted by
others if they have a reason to explain it, even if that reason for howling
at full moons while naked is simply, "He/she is a Witch, that's normal for
them evidently." So, don't let your friends down, behave strangely, you can
get away with it now.

Rule #5: Watch Occult Movies. Make sure that you watch the movie "Warlock"
lots of times to perfect those soft landings after over-indulging with the
flying ointments (read as mead and weed).

Rule #6: Ready Yourself for Sex, Money and Power. Wasn't this the other
reason you were drawn to Witchcraft? In the past, adepts of the occult were
known to possess charismatic, lusty and powerful personas - when people
find out that you are a Witch, they may automatically assume (and therefore
empower you) with these same qualities. This may sound pretty good, but
unfortunately in today's world, another group of people have become even
more established within the realms of kinky sex sessions and unlimited
power - yes, the politicians! Beware of this elitist group of
power-brokers... they don't want any competition to their manipulative
monopoly over the gullible public - hence the laws against Witchcraft and
divination that have remained unchanged for centuries. So, if calling
yourself a High Priest doesn't lead you to unlimited sex, money and power -
or if it does, but you then find yourself as the target of political and
legal harassment - you may have to put aside your cloak and broomstick and
pick up a pin-stripe suit and a back-bench in Parliament. If you can't beat
them, try bribery, then if that doesn't work...join them!

Rule #7: Atmosphere is Essential. Your home must reflect your Witchy
nature. Incense must burn continuously. It's important that visitors see
clouds of incense smoke billowing from a spluttering censor in the corner
of your dim, dank and dusty home, so dismantle the smoke detectors and
start collecting strange little bottles of exotic looking ingredients (use
your imagination and label them with names like powdered bat's eyes, or
dried dragon's gonads). And if you don't like housework, you can explain
that the layer of dust that covers your floors and furniture helps to
neutralize the highly charged psychic energy that results from your magical
spells, thereby protecting your home and possessions from electromagnetic
disintegration.

Rule # 8: Be Patronizing to Christians. In social discussions don't forget
to make plenty of derogatory remarks about fundamentalist Christians, but
remember to save your most biting comments for other Witches that you don't
get along with.

Rule #9: Brag About Your Psychic Powers. Any self-respecting Witch will
tell you that after their initiation to Witchcraft, their psychic powers
awakened and their tarot cards (which they always carry with them) are now
much easier to read (they now get something right once in a while). They
will also tell you that they can now sense energy fields (in other words,
they don't bump into things as often as they used to). Follow this example
and brag about the rapid development of your psychic abilities since your
initiation. If asked about your initiation ceremony, simply state that you
were sworn to secrecy about it, then quickly change the subject by
mentioning your newly awakened ability to detect Ley-lines, but try to
remember that a Ley-line is not a queue for the after-ritual orgy!

Now you know how to pass yourself off as a real Witch, so place that
broomstick in a conspicuous corner (one that is not clouded by too much
incense smoke); pull on those black clothes; give everyone that you meet a
sinister look - and your social status will improve overnight. If you do
all of this successfully, you may even find yourself with enough adoring
acolytes so that you can start your own coven!